take this life and end this struggle

7:18PM - everything

that's what i hate.

right now.

everything.

10:03AM - ouch

i'm a sadist and i'm evil.

i'm a victim and a predator and i'm dumb.

i'm a million different things. not a one you know.

let's go see if i'm deadly.

7:06PM - in regard to the last post.

If you care about animals AT ALL:

"There's an artist, Nathalia Edenmont, who kills cats, mice, doves, rabbits, and other animals, mutilates their bodies, and then takes their photographs. She's on exhibit, among other places, at the Wetterling Gallery in Sweden. She has taken the top halves of five white mice and made them into finger puppets. She beat a cat to death with a stick. And this is called art. This is not only inhumane, but morally reprehensible."

-Myspace Bulletin


Prime Example of Fucked Upness.


Please Take Like Two Seconds to Petition Against The Scum of the Earth

[If you think this is wrong please repost this!]

Current mood: nauseated

Current music: my ringing ears

3:53PM

Animal Cruelty

i am against censorship of any kind.
i put a very high value on freedom.
and i love art to the core of my being.

but this goes too far.

i DO NOT think it is ok to inflict horrible pain on innocent animals for no other reason than to photograph it and call it art. bitch, if you want art, go buy some fucking paint.

please take a whole thirty seconds to sign this petition.

Current mood: pissed off

Current music: marilyn manson - golden age of grotesque

8:05AM - ouch

i was walking home last night and i got hit by a car.

that fucking sucks.

Current mood: sore

Current music: pinkerton - weezer

2:02PM - sharp hint of new tears

everytime i find a good reason to pick myself up someone comes along and knocks me down again.

i hope the phone never rings again.

i hope she slits her wrists and bleeds to death alone in her beautiful bathtub.

i hope it doesn't rain today.

i hope i can afford a new tattoo out of my next paycheck.

i hope my scars never ever fade.

i hope no one ever sees them.

i hope everyone catches what i have so we can have slumber parties and update eachother on the latest gossip.

i hope when i bleach my hair it all falls out and my skull is smooth and pale like milk or her innocent face.

i hope my face gets painted black with paint that never washes off.

i hope my hands crumble to dust so i can't get them filthy anymore.

i hope my stupid arm tan fades before i get annoyed and cut all of my skin off.

i hope that booming noise i hear outside is the end of the world.

1:33AM - insomnia is such a bitch

i am one tore up bitch.

i've been so busy i can't sleep.
i've slept so much i can't think.
i've thought so much i can't feel.
i've felt so much i can't control myself.
i've controlled myself so well.
once.

and i hear it's all downhill from here.

at some point these entries will start to be coherent.

Current mood: weird

Current music: SLC Punk Soundtrack

8:33PM - gabba gabba hey! punk is here to stay!

"Into a scene
Full of lies
Met you there
You seemed alright
Gave you love
Gave you heart
All you gave me
Broken heart."


a year has passed and it feels like i've gotten nowhere.

and yet, so much has changed.

take that yoda.

Current mood: energetic

Current music: The Casualties

11:29PM - just slit a wrist like cheap coupons and say that death is on sale today

i have every potential to be good - great even.

and i keep selling out to sex cigarettes and razors.

dumb girl.

9:11PM - My playlist for tonight

Hot Hot Hot – The Cure
Guns N Roses – November Rain
Cemetary Pogo – The Secretions
Should I Stay or Should I Go – The Clash
I Could Never Hate You – The Eyeliners
Kiss Me Deadly – Generation X
Why Bother – Weezer
About A Girl – Nirvana
La La Love You –Pixies
I Remember You – The Ramones
Sex And Violence – The Exploited
Hands Down – Dashboard Confessional
Piece of My Heart – Janis Joplin
Date With The Night – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Freaks Like Us – The Secretions
Don’t Come Close – The Ramones
About The Little Things – Popgun
Can’t Believe I’m Falling in Love – The Secretions
End Of The World – The Cure
Talk to Me Dance With Me – Hot Hot Heat
Punk Rock Love – The Casualties
Kiss Off – Violent Femmes
Drain You – Nirvana
Feel So Numb – Rob Zombie
Don’t Hate Me – Rufio
Falling For You – Weezer
Love Of My Life – The Secretions
Fuck You Aurora – Alkaline Trio
Cold Light – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Crystal Ship – The Doors
I Miss You – Blink 182
Don’t Speak – No Doubt
Where Is My Mind –Pixies
I Just Want To Have Something To Do – The Ramones
Punks Unite – The Casualties
Para-noir – Marilyn Manson
What’s Inside a Girl? – The Cramps
Needles and Pins – The Ramones
Bandages – Hot Hot Heat
She Cries – Rufio
Double O Summer – The Secretions
Say It Aint So – Weezer
Pictures of You – The Cure
Maps – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Pretty Baby – Popgun
Dumb – Nirvana
Long Drive Home – Dashboard Confessional
Punks Not Dead – The Exploited
Young Girl – The Distillers
Don’t Forget About Me – Simple Minds
Sick Of Feeling Like Shit – The Secretions
Love Kills – The Ramones
Say It Like You Mean It – The Starting Line
Stuck On You – The Eyeliners
Mirror In The Bathroom – Fifi
Rose Garden – Suicide Machines
I Hate Myself For Loving You – Joan Jett
Perfect Drug – Nine Inch Nails
Committing Suicide – The Secretions
Bleed – Pixies
Modern Romance – Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Current mood: drained

Current music: look up

7:36PM - i wanna be sedated

new list of things i want:

fourty ounces of PBR
three packs of djarim cherry cloves
violent sex
new razor marks
an 85mph midnight drive with no headlights
bruises
fingernail slashes
a punk show
a mosh pit
steel toed boots
blood
a roller coaster
vomit on the side of the road
a homocide
brass knuckles


i might stay in tonight.

going out could end in tragedy.

1:03AM - coffee, cigarettes, and an apple a day

he slimmed down to nothing. emaciated. insomniac.

things i want right now:

more tattoos
a carmel apple
a cherry clove
a pink lighter
lyon's coffee. foul and black. with cheap half and half.
a black corset with lace and bows
a ticket to the manson show
to be able to sleep
a perpetual october
satin sheets. in the darkest shades of red.
a hair cut
a whole new dye job
a makeup buying trip at hot topic
to be twenty one already so i can legally do the things i already do
a ramones back patch
a sense of relief
a packet of AA batteries
something concrete
satisfaction and accompishment
clam chowder with garlic bread
a date. an actual date. dinner. movie. the works.
a movie moment.
a manicure
some understanding
for the lonliness to go away
for the nightmares to go away
for the harmful urges to go away
for the paranoia and panic attacks to go away
someone to love me
someone to kiss me
someone to hold me
someone to sleep with. actually sleep.
someone to know me.
someone to dedicate "perfect girl" by the cure to me.
a new belt. the one i've had for like seven years is breaking.
garlic bread
you. you. you.

Current mood: restless

Current music: sex and violence - the exploited

5:37PM - trash.

this is what i did on saturday night.

beware. i'm entirely inappropriate.

http://www.imperiousphotography.com


i warn everyone now that these pictures ARE disturbing. and i kid you not.

Current mood: devious

Current music: yeah yeah yeahs - cold light

4:41PM - talk to me dance with me

scam me. please.

i had school today. i was a detective today. i make fries tomorrow. i model tomorrow night. sunday i come up with two hundred dollars from somewhere. sunday i call a boy and hopefully buy him coffee and things will go well. monday i go to school again. monday i call jason back and get ready for success and an apartment or failure and a damn good lesson. monday i mail out the paper that sells off my body. tuesday it's back to making fries. wednesday i ought to know if i'm going to make hamburgers or not. wednesday i also have school. wednesday night is training for the new job. thursday is back to making fries.

Current mood: busy

Current music: There She Goes...There She Goes Again...

3:35PM - i'm [this close] to wetting myself

you're looking at the newest suicidegirl.

just as soon as i finish my registration crap.

Current mood: giddy

Current music: joan jett - bad reputation

1:26PM - trashy mctrasherson

i'm in porn now.

and if i have my way, everyone will know what i look like with my clothes off. yay.

i want to fuck you like an animal.

Current mood: devious

Current music: nine inch nails - closer

9:40AM - i'm tired. so tired. i'm tired of seeing rock stars die

11:54PM - johnny ramone

died today.



the end.

read all about it

Current mood: sad

Current music: what else? The fucking Ramones.

12:05PM - i've come to the conclusion...

since all you trendy fucks have livejournals and i want to read them, i may as well have one too. normally i do all of my writing in xanga, which, for those of you who are unaware, is a lot like livejournal. but i guess it can't hurt to update this once in a while and it'll help my keep track of all my trendy fuck friends who have an LJ.

Current mood: annoyed

Current music: beat on the brat - the ramones